Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Really, Humanity?: Dolphin Encounter Edition

Florida consistently proves that mankind deserves a swift hit of the reset button to allow another, more deserving species a chance to rule this third planet from the sun.

The Sunshine State has been providing some harsh examples in just how stupid and disgusting the human race has become.  Right before Thanksgiving a Miami resident killed his girlfriend, her two daughters, and then raped the corpses of the mother and oldest daughter.  He was kind enough to stuff them into a closet in height order when he was done just to show he wasn’t an unorganized piece of shit.  Just a regular piece of shit. 

Just as that vile act had settled down long enough for local media to realize it wasn’t related to the Fiscal Cliff, another shining example of the human race emerges.  A Davie, Florida man grew angry that his ex-wife didn’t love him any more.  He decided to get even with her by killing himself, his daughter, and the family dog by running a hose into the minivan and nodding off into forever.  He exceeded the douche bag level of scum by having the ‘If I can’t have you, no one can’ attitude and added insult to injury by removing an innocent six year old from the potential of having a decent life.

Not as disgusting in deed but still wholly appalling, a recent story arose of an eight-year-old girl getting a nip from a dolphin at the Sea World petting pond.  In what should have never been a news story in the first place, the girl held a paper tray of fish at the edge of the pool.  When she looked away and pulled the food from the expecting dolphin, the aquatic mammal (clearly smarter than the entire family combined) rose up from the pool and snatched the treats.  In doing so the dolphin nipped the girl’s arm.  Here is the footage for you to judge the whole action:

If you aren’t familiar with the Sea World set up, the shallow encounter pool houses a few dolphins that arguably should be vey pissed about being kept in such a constraining pen.  One can purchase, at an inflated price, a few sardines to temp the dolphin to come close enough so that one can cop a feel.  From the dolphin’s perspective, this would be the same as someone waving a candy bar in front of you and then grabbing your junk when you try to collect the sweet offer.

After the whole thing went down, the dolphin summarily apologized.  The young girl was treated, and both parties rode the Kumba roller coaster and had a blast.  The parents, however, insisted on making a victim out of the girl.

The local news, starving from a lack of disaster, picked up on the video when one of the interns saw the story on Reddit.  It wasn’t long before news analysts and sophists had suggested that a dolphin Armageddon was looming.  Some insinuated that the dolphin was angry over Super Storm Sandy.  Others believed that the mammal was part of a sleeper cell for Al-Qaeda. 
I don’t mean to be glib in equating the dolphin incident to the horrific murders mentioned at the start of this article.  What I do need to state is that people are acting so damned stupid.  We need to correct this behavior before it escalates.  Partly, I blame the media for making huge stories out of nothing and nothing out of huge stories.

Had the Info Zombie been involved in the Flipper Gate, his old man would have yelled at him and made him apologize to the Dolphin, Sea World, and surrounding onlookers.  Because the Zombie family has something called “dignity”, we would not cry like whimpering bitches because the dolphin encounter got real.

In a recent interview the dolphin attack victim was seen laughing and smiling.  The mother and father had stern looks with dollar signs in their eyes.  I can imagine that they will be suing Sea World soon.  The claim of emotional damage will include the statement that the girl can’t go near a pool without having posttraumatic stress disorder.  Sea World will be forced to include warning signs around all their pools stating that Dolphins may eat the food you dangle before them.

I can’t let Sea World off the hook, though.  This is the organization that uses creatures called KILLER WHALES in their shows.  When the whales kill their trainers by drowning them (according to The Prestige, it’s the worst way to die), Sea World expects us to be sad.  But they keep those Killer Whale shows running along as though nothing happened.

So if you wonder why The Info Zombie is in such a grumpy mood lately, you now know why.  He can’t get to his deserted island fast enough.

Keep rising from the graves of ignorance, my Zombies.

1 comment:

  1. Oh so that is why you are in a grumpy mood.. I thought it was Villain skipping out on a bill again. That makes me grumpy.