Saturday, December 15, 2012

Florida Hates Its Citizens: Car Stereo Laws


It’s no surprise that once again the state of Florida fucked up.  Again.

I am all for the defense of personal rights.  This very blog relies on the social contract that permits the freedom of speech.  Although I know that these Info Zombie articles can be annoying at times, one can very easily point their internet browser to a different web page to read.  Yes, the privilege of enjoying personal freedoms has a condition: we Americans can do as we please as long as it does not encroach on the well being or happiness of others.

The state of Florida once again becomes the example that defies such common logic.  Just this week the state supreme court (now, I will not put those words in respectable upper case when the court does something stupid) voted that mobile car stereos may be played as loud as possible because said stereos represent the freedom of expression that stems from the Freedom of Speech guaranteed in the First Amendment.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Everyone has the right to play whatever you want on your radio.  Gospel music?  Go ahead.  Hitler’s speeches?  Fine, whatever.  The comedy lampoons of that jokester Justin Bieber as she mocks the music industry with her caterwauling?  If that’s the fluid that lifts your watercraft, indulge. 

BUT if you are playing such things at a level that shakes your car, then you are not expressing any free speech other than the admission that you are a stupid, inconsiderate ass.  At least when one overpays for Beats headphones and looks ridiculous while making a garish fashion statement, the music in those oversized cans can be relegate to the listener alone.  Traffic prisoners cannot just get up and leave when other vehicles exceed reasonable decibel levels with their radios (and lame sounding loud mufflers, too).
Loud music coming from motor vehicles distracts drivers.  Anyone who endures one of the many interstates in Florida knows how people are distracted enough while driving.  With the armies of old people under-driving, endless construction, Boca-ites and their wannabes texting while attempting to maneuver their soccer tanks, and lawn services that utilize old pickups overloaded with unsecured palms, the average Florida roadway is a deathtrap.

Now there’s a second reason why I will be forced to keep my window rolled up when driving (granted, the heat is the most obvious reason that needs no further listing). The amount of panhandlers for “The Homeless Voice” stalking street corners falls under the primary reason why I need to keep the Zombie mobile fresh-air proof.  Courtesy of the florida supreme court, I will be forced to keep the window closed to avoid listening to the beautiful poetry of the common thug rapper trying to make doggerel the phrases “smack your pussy shut with my gold Rolex watch” and “hammer your ass with my dick the size of a crutch.”

To the florida supreme court, I simply state that loud music pounding from a vehicle is a sign of microphallus, not an expression of speech.  In your infinite wisdom, you may think you are protecting freedom, but you are simply annoying the more considerate and intelligent. 

And, no, I am not scared that people who play radios excessive loud in their vehicles will see this and come after me.  Those people cannot read, so I don’t worry about expressing my right of Free Speech to chastise them.

Keep those radios down to a considerate volume.

And keep rising from the graves of ignorance, my Zombies…

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